By the way? I looked good this time. I strutted the mall and gave eyebrow raises that said, “if you think I look good by myself imagine how AMAZING I’d look with 4 kids on me. This is a funny phenomenon, when you have children people look you up and down and decide to overlook certain flaws because… you look good “for having 4 kids”. I think I look so much better with the baby on my arm (she is a nice and lovable accessory) because then people automatically know that I “just” had a baby. So this time I achieved SASH (Solo And Still Hot) and it’s great!
I cut the boys’ hair this week and I might have patted myself on my back a wee bit. Man, I’m getting good (in an amateur way)! Faux hawks for both of them. Here’s what the 7 year old told me…” Mom, I’ll give you a 199. You did a better job of listening to me and my hair looks pretty good… but could you please aim for a 230 for next time.” He wanted 'mohawk' and I gave him 'fauxhawk'. My hubby thinks I’m ready to cut his hair too, yikes! I don’t know if I want the responsibility of an adult man’s haircut he might give me a rating below 100!
So the shower is nice, but I’ll never be able to get “red ribbons” out of my head. This is my 2nd heavy bleeding for this miscarriage, 3rd heavy bleeding total, and when you sit in the shower the blood merges with the water and just runs in a ribbon toward the drain. My mind was fixated on how it looked like red ribbons. My 3 year old walks in, “I wanna shower!” ok. So he goes to take off clothes and get ready and I quickly grad toilet paper to get the clots that are clogging the drain,; I throw them in the toilet, but he catches me, “what’s that?”… “nothing son, get in the shower.” My 7 year old now check on me, “honey could you bring me a towel?” Before he checked in I was worried about dripping more everywhere. I get out and dressed and guess what the 7 year old did? I come out to my bed perfectly made. He’s never made my bed before. Thank you Lord for these comforts! I thanked him and gave him a hug and he gave the “I know I’m too adorable smile” and then we need to book! We are running so late now.
Breakfast was hard, get the bowls and cereal, feed the baby, head down on the table, up again feed the baby, head back down. I feel awful! I grabbed a towel on the way out; it’s something to sit on in case I bleed through. Everyone is in! We head out and I feel like throwing up, we do have a hospital barf bag in the car, so I grab that and clutch it the whole trip. Things feel weird, not exactly like tunnel vision, but close. Maybe I shouldn’t have chanced the car trip, but if I didn’t take the oldest to school, then I’d have more work when I got home. I just want to go back home and lie down. It was a yucky ride, but we made it.
It’s a “Frozen” type of morning, so the 3 and 5 year olds are happy and the baby can be convinced to take a nap. I get to rest and then every few minutes I head to the toilet to pass another clot. I know I’m supposed to be keeping track of blood loss, but how does one keep an accurate count when constantly on the toilet? The doctor’s office doesn’t call me back until the next day, but I’ve been told, “what you’re experiencing is normal” so many times that I’m not really motivated to keep calling them. I hate being made to feel like I don’t understand my body. And by 10am the bleeding is slowing down drastically, so I really am in the clear. By evening, there’s no bleeding again, but I still feel awful from blood loss. There was no bleeding on Tuesday and today, Wednesday, just some spotting. I’m REALLY hoping the last bleeding episode cleared my uterus out finally. I wasn’t going to go back, but I will go get blood drawn one more time this week and hopefully my hormone levels are much lower.
You know one of the things I was thinking on Monday? I guess I can’t give blood before the next pregnancy. Rats. I like giving blood! But there’s no way I’m not anemic after all this!