Honestly it’s not bad at all, but we haven’t had any good fights since the last BIG fight in the beginning of summer 2012. There were a lot of fights leading up to that one and I told him that I’d finally had enough and we were done. He’d been bringing up divorce for a couple of years at that point and I wouldn’t hear anything of it. I guess hearing it come from me was a shock. Another shock was that I meant it. I was totally done. Period. Period.
I left (not totally, just to get some space) and took the 3 kids to the mall. We walked around, got dinner, played etc. the usual mall drill, then, came home. My husband was gong through a change in heart. Over the next couple weeks, he left me notes where I could find them (some I didn’t find for a very long time) and generally tried to change my mind. I was still DONE. Eventually we got better, got some therapy and then he told me he wanted another baby.
Do you want to know something strange? Coincidental? God-directed? When I left to get some space… my husband left too. He drove his motorcycle to the… mall… to ponder on his own. Yes. The very same mall I went to with the kids. He said he watched me unload the car, stroller, kids, bags and head into the bookstore like a very efficient and self-sufficient mother who could do anything on her own. No, he did not follow me, either to the mall, or into the mall. But this made him think, he didn’t like it. I think this was God-directed.
I told him on our first date that I wanted a large family (I didn’t want to waste any more time!) and would he want one too? He said yes, and then later came all of the dramas that changed his mind. He knew where I stood and he wanted us to have another one (I know, I’m not blind… he wanted me pregnant and willing to do whatever it took to keep the marriage working) and even if we got divorced down the line, I still wanted that baby.
Then, 2 more years went by with no (or almost none) fighting! How odd! It was delightful. I know these things can’t last, but it was nice. 7 years in and I believe that as long as we stick through it and get the counseling when we need it, that this will work for ‘as long as we both shall live’ and that is a great relief.
Anyway… I believe the stress of the last couple months finally wore him down and he snapped. It’s never over anything major, or not always. We snapped back and forth, then I shouted. Yes shouted! (I’m not a yeller, but I guess the stress has been wearing on me too.) Also, did you know that misoprostol has side effects? Imagine that! That drug I took to help me miscarry has wonderful side effects. 1 such side effect is that a couple weeks after you take it, you can develop mild to severe diarrhea that lasts about a week. Also, can be accompanied by nausea, yay! Guess who got the severe type? So diarrhea and nausea kicked in on Sunday, full force all night and then Monday is our fight. I really can’t imagine that I have anymore poo left in my body, but still it comes.
I will be very interested to visit my neighborhood Pubix (you know, the one with the wonderful scale that weighs about 2 lbs light? That is the only scale I go by.) and see how much I lost at the end of all this sickness.
So, the high point of the fight is where he tells me that he doesn’t want to try again for another baby. I cried.
I go and organize the master suite with the baby (1 year old! Must do a birthday post!) and by the end of it, I’ve calmed down measurably. I feel like ending the fight now, but my hubby is taking an angry nap on the couch. So, I go organize something else (this must be a coping mechanism… our house has gotten quite disorderly without the regular fights). I also decide that there’s no way we’re not having another baby. With this body? I feel I look amazing! I also feel that I don’t feel amazing currently, but all this sickness will lose me another few pounds. I’ll just ‘convince’ him that this is too good to use ‘protection’ with. Believe me, I’m capable of that!
Also, after the last health issues, here's what I currently look like! There are no photos without a baby in arm, but this just makes me look hotter!
I took the two oldest kids school supply shopping, I know it’s early, but we had store money to use before it expired and now the kids go to school for free! My second baby is going to be a kindergarten student in the fall! I did tear up… again, just writing it. Before we left, hugged and kissed the hubby and we started over.
Great end to the day and… guess how many times I pooped as I wrote this?